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So Tired of Shit

November 28, 2014

We’ve all been there you just flat reach the shit-saturation point. It might be me and my menopause—sung to the tune of me and my shadow—but I think it’s actually that recently I’ve had to deal with more than my fair share of ass hats.

I’ve entered this zone where everyone is super aware of their own feelings which they reside on their sleeve so that everyone can feel their pain. I, however, apparently have no feelings and am supposed to just take my manic depressive, menopause-infused brain, sit down and eat a great big bowl of shit as they all do everything in their power to give me a complete mental break down. I don’t need any more shit because I have enough. In fact, if shit was designer plates I’d have to add a room onto my house to hold it all.

In short I have plenty, and I don’t need anyone else’s.

I’m sick to death of people showing their ass and expecting to get a pass, while if I so much as snap back I get branded “that crazy fucking dyke.” Which, granted, is a pretty good description, but who do you think made me this way? All the human turds I constantly have to deal with.

I know I’m not alone.

The holidays are coming. People are making lists and checking them twice. It’s the highest-stress part of the year. Then you are stuffed into tiny rooms with people you want to strangle and who want to strangle you. We need a release before the season, something to help us relax.

Let’s start a new tradition by telling off all those people who are just getting on our last nerve. No need to start a war in the family or with friends, just get on your site—I know no one reads this shit—and just rip everyone who’s even remotely bugging you a new one.

I’ll start.

And here’s what I think. I think we serve G-d and the season when we push ourselves less to be franticly happy, festive, and desperately productive, and instead we relax a little, do what we want and let go of some of the anger from the past year. We decide that things like the perfect gift, getting invited to the right parties, or being part of a perfect play aren’t life and death. Then we just enjoy what we have.
Take a deep breath and a few minutes to tell off everyone you’re pissed at on paper. This list of people who pissed me off I have dealt with to the best of my ability. Most of these people I will never have to deal with again. The ones I can’t avoid I will deal with as little as possible. There are only two people on this list I’m not completely done with and both are sitting with two strikes. The world is covered with seven billion people. This holiday season give yourself the gift of getting rid of all the ass hats you can. If you’re making a list like the one I’ve made, decide who do you still want to keep, who are you done with, and who can you just spend less time with.

What a great present.


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